Key questions from a potential voter

The All Seeing Eye, a regular commenter on this blog has been kind enough to send me the following questions - its a meme set up by Daniel1979 on his blog, so here goes...

1. Has there ever been an occasion when you failed to notice that you have paid your mortgage off months, possibly years in advance, and just had not realised?
No - it beggars belief that anyone wouldn't notice unless they were a) incompetent; b) had some ulterior motive, possibly criminal; or c) both a & b.

2. Does your property contain a moat?
No, but I do have a small fish pond where Boris the sturgeon lurks among the goldfish

3. Do you think you could in good conscience accept a salary and allowances whilst not actually attending your place of work or office?
No, because being found out would be embarrassing

4. If you were told that it was within the rules to go jump off a cliff, would you do it? No, I'm capable of independent thought

5. Are you able to tell the difference between a room in a house, and an actual house? Yes, which my explain why I am not Home Secretary

6. Are you able to commute a distance under 35 miles for work purposes without the need for an additional house being provided? Yes - I'm lucky that I live quite close to my work but I know hard working, normal people who have to commute 100 miles each way every day to keep the pay cheque coming in

7. Do you know what an Iron is? Are you having a laugh? RN basic training taught me not only to dhobi and iron, but also fold everything "book size". Mrs B usually irons my work shirts though, and a fantastic job she makes of it too

8. Is your TV or Stereo likely to need an upgrade in the next 5 years? Yes, and I'll pay for it myself

9. Do you have a warped sense of humour OR Do you have a helipad? I don't even have an allocated car parking space!!

10. If you did need two houses to live and work, do you think it possible to designate one as a main home, and stick by that decision for the duration of that employment? Maybe, but if I did sell a second home I wouldn't evade CGT

11. If you work in a different place to where you live – do you find yourself, or could you envision, eating twice as much food as you would if you lived more locally to work? Twice as much??? I'd explode like Mr Creosote

12. Do you know what a pergola is? No, but its probably curable with a shot of penicillin